People

Today at 5 o'clock in the morning I found a disturbing thing on the internet. Wikipedia was shut down for the day because of some stupid law thingy that's threatening the internet. You know what I say to that law thing. Fuck off! Anyways now that I've gotten my anger out of the way for my post today I'm going to tell you guys what I say yesterday from my point of view. So I was in the car and the first thing I saw some guy texting on the phone when cars are literally 6 inches to the left of him driving. And people thought that driving while texting was bad. Then there was a guy who looked a little to old to have a balloon (it was light blue in case you're wondering). Another guy who looks a little to old to be dating that woman he's holding hands with. Trees actually looked like they were talking. One looked like they were sitting down and the other looked like it was pointing towards something. Probably pointing at the guy with a balloon. I saw a phone number that wanted to know if you have junk. Why it wants junk I have no idea. There was a sign that told me it's hot dog time but I feel like it tells me that every time I see it. A woman was taking the words "keep your eyes on the road" way to seriously. She just kept looking down at the road while driving. There was also a car that said it had no seats and  bridge that is possibly icy. Why they have a sign that tells you that I have no idea. Is that going to help stop accidents? Then we passed a graveyard which isn't so bad except it was a crappy day and really foggy out so it was kind of freaky. Then right next to the graveyard was a tree that looked like it was capturing a bird feeder with long pointing tree limbs which didn't at all help with the graveyard. Next I went to a mall where people were torturing fruit in a blender. How they were going to talk to the fruit I don't know. There was also mall cops with stupid hats and people that had a shopping cart in the mall. The last thing I saw was a claw machine with no prizes in it. Sorry today was a stupid post. To make it up to you I'm going to go you a riddle that I made up.

I am worthless
I am only bought once
I am only used once
And then I sit here
forever
Until they choose to replace me
I am worthless
For I am....

Ok so that doesn't really make up for the crappy post but.....just answer it anyway.

Question of the day:

Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly.

Stupid Laws

Hello people. It's January 7th and you know what that means. Last Saturday was New Years Eve. Yes New Years Eve. The day that people go to parties, get drunk, do stupid stuff, and ultimately wake up in a bed with a killer hang over and some person you don't know next to you.  If your a women you also might be pregnant and the father of the child could be 5 different men. So congratulations. Maybe next year you'll decide to not drink (but probably not). So as you all don't know one of my favorite things to do is to read or watch stupid things. Stupid criminals, warnings, signs, you name it. It always gives me a good laugh. Recently in civics we were learning about laws and my teacher told us that there's one law in Alaska that states that you're not allowed to push a moose out of a moving plane. That got me thinking there must be a lot of other stupid laws out there so I found this one website that has a bunch of stupid laws. So I picked one from each state and made fun of it and I'm going to share them with you. Since there's 50 states I'm going to break it down into two groups. I'm going to do 25 today and the other 25 when ever I feel like it. So here they are and remember they have a reason for these laws. People have done all these things to make them have a law against it.

Alaska - You can not wake a sleeping bear to take a picture with it. Why would you see a sleeping bear and be like "hey let's wake it up and take a picture with it." Seriously it's not a clown it's a living creature that will rip your eyes out when you wake it up.

Alabama - You may not have ice cream in your back pocket at any time. How dare you put perfectly good ice cream in your pocket you, you! I don't even know what to call you I'm so mad!

Arizona - Donkeys may not sleep in bathtubs. Well duh. Donkeys are supposed to sleep in closets you idiot.

California - No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour. Chitty chitty bang bang was subsequently arrested and sent to jail.

Colorado - Catapults may not be fired at buildings. Colorado is still living in medieval times.

Connecticut - You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. How do you stop when you're going that fast?

Delaware - No person shall change clothes in his or her vehicle. Then where am I supposed to change?

Florida - Having sexual relations with a porcupine is illegal. Why. Just why.

Georgia - Signs are required to be written in English. But what if I speak Spanish.

Hawaii - coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ear. They never said anything about dollars.

Idaho - Riding a merry-go-round on Sundays in considered a crime. Start your criminal career young kids.

Illinois - Law forbids eating at a place that is on fire. Apparently places that are on fire are hot spots (sorry stupid joke)

Indiana - A three dollar fine per pack with be imposed on anyone playing cards in Indiana under the Act for the Prevention of Gaming. Yeah 3 dollars. That will teach them.

Iowa - The fire department is required to practice fire fighting for fifteen minutes before attending fires. So by the time they get there every ones dead.

Kansas - It is illegal to urinate on the side of a building. What about the corner of one?

Kentucky - It is illegal to fish with a bow and arrow in Kentucky. Who fishes with a bow and arrow? Is it the same person who's hitting buildings using a catapult in Colorado?

Louisiana - One may not "dare" another to go onto a railroad track owned by another. Do you get in trouble for daring them to or is it only if they actually go do it and does the person who dared them also get in trouble? So many questions.

Maine - You may not step out of a plane in flight. Skydivers are in big trouble.

Maryland - It's illegal to take a lion to the movies. Oh but there's no rule about taking a tiger to the movies. Discriminating against lions isn't right.

Massachusetts - An old ordinance declares goatees illegal unless you first pay a special license fee for the privilege of wearing one in public. Were there people that would smuggle goatees?

Michigan - it is illegal to kill a dog using a decompression chamber. Who the fuck has a decompression chamber. What is there a dog killing aisle in Walmart.

Minnesota - The land of 10,000 lakes declares mosquitoes a public nuisances. What is that going to do? Make all the mosquitoes go away.

Mississippi - A man may not seduce a woman by lying claiming he will marry her. Yeah that's just wrong.

Missouri - Minors are not allowed to purchase cap pistols, however they may buy shotguns freely. So they can't buy something that won't kill someone but they can buy something that will kill someone? That's like telling a person that's on a diet that they can't buy vegetables but they can buy candy.

All of these laws have come from www.dumblaws.com

Question of the Day:

What do you do if you're riding a giraffe and getting chased by a lion?

Merry Christmas

We had a surprise present on Saturday when our internet went out. So for 3 days I had no internet meaning no blog or xbox. Because I was not able to post what I had planned on Christmas we are going to pretend it's the 25th again. So merry Christmas, happy Hanukah, happy Kwanza, etc. I'm sure everyone knows about Santa Claus. The man who delivers gifts on Christmas. Well know that I'm older I've realized something about him. He's a very creepy man. Don't believe me? Think about it. He enslaves elves to work in the north pole making toys all day. That must be fucking freezing. It can be -43 degrees celsius in the north pole. They probably huddle together at night with the reindeer to keep warm. Then the reindeer. Poor Rudolph being discriminated against just because his nose lights up. How could santa let that happen. Then forcing them to fly around the world. I just hope they're being feed after being forced to fly around the world in one night and carrying the fat man. I can barely breath after going down the stairs. I need a medical team when I go up the stairs in case I pass out. Now with delivering the gifts. He's a fat man who climbs down chimneys. I've seen skinny people trying to go down chimneys and not be able to make it. How Santa does it I don't know. But if you asked the police I'm pretty sure they would consider that breaking and entering so since Santa does that every year to millions of houses he's gonna go to jail for a long time. Then while he's in your house he eats your cookies and drinks your milk. I'm sorry (no I'm not) but I would not make cookies for some guy that breaks into my house while I'm sleeping. If I'm making cookies for anyone (which would be a miracle for me to cook anything) I am going to be eating them. Anyways besides him being in your house he's also in your mall. Every mall has him visiting so the kids can sit on his lap and tell him what they want for Christmas. How do kids not notice that. You'd think they'd be like "how is Santa in the same place at the same time?" but no. Now Santa has been around for a long time. The first sighting of him was in 1821 so he'll be celebrating his 200th birthday sometime in in 2021 which is only 10 years away. Basically for those of you who don't want to do the math he's 190 years old. So he's the oldest person alive but he can still climb down chimneys to eat a shit load of cookies. So I've just destroyed a lot of kids dreams about Santa so I'm going to go take a nap. But one last thing. Has anyone ever noticed that Santa is spelled very similar to satan? 

Question of the Day:

Where's the pony I wanted when I was 5 Santa? 

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's....iron man?

"Yay," I though to myself last night before I went to bed (although technically it was early in the morning when I went to sleep) "it's Tuesday so I have no classes today and I can sleep in." Which I did finally getting up at 3 pm. After getting up I played MW3 for about an hour until I remembered the homework I had. So my day of no school turned into having to do science homework, a math test, an english test, and review for the civics test and I still have more science to do and in english we're writing a short story that I still have to work on (I have two stories and I'm not sure which to use). Anyways I spent about an hour and a half doing homework on my day off (yes I have no school on Tuesdays and Thursdays haha). So now I'm taking a break. My day yesterday was interesting. After school (I also only have 4 hours of school on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday hahahaha) me and my mom had to bring one of our 5 cats to the vet. She hates the vet and being in a cage so we spent 10 minutes in the car hearing her meow the whole way there then we got there she no longer hated her cage and wanted to stay in it only to hear her meow for another 10 minutes on our way back. Then me and my dad went to the mall to meet my friend. My arm was almost ripped off when I told her what Ross put about Andy from Black Veil Brides on his blog Sarcasmic Music (run Ross run she's gonna kill you). Anyways aside from all the shit in my life, today I'm going to talk about a show I watch. It's called Iron Man Armored Adventures (yes I watch things like that). Now it's a good show but there's some things that perplex me. Like how he always watches the one building. You'd think that people would find it weird for some guy to watch a building all the time but no they just go on with their lives not a care in the world. Then when iron man is fighting another person in iron in the middle of a road it's completely normal. No one calls the police or are worried about it at all. And when a robot smashes into your building and causes a lot of damage no one cares or when your car looks like it's been sat on by a giant nothing happens. Then there's the brat Justin Hammer. The girl that works for him should quit. If a 20 something year old brat almost kills me with a laser gun thing I would not be working for him anymore. Then when he gets blasted of to space he doesn't do anything. You'd think he's be like "maybe I should move out of the way so I don't get blasted off into space" but no he just stands there. I wish people on COD would be like that. It would make the throwing knife much easier to use. There's that other criminal named Unicorn. What the fuck man. Seriously unicorn, that's the best you could come up with. If I was fighting someone named unicorn I would not be scared at all. Remember criminals when picking a name for yourself pick ones that are going to strike fear into your foes not a name that's going to make people think that you want to finish the fight soon so you can get to the shoe sale on time. So that's the end of my complaining but one last thing. People in iron armor bounce. 

Question of the Day:

What if you get two fortune cookies that contradict each other? 

School

School is a glorious place filled with happiness. False. School is hell with fluorescent lighting. True. As you can see I hate school. But doesn't everyone. Who wants to go to a place that you have to go to for 8 hours to learn things you don't care about and then get home and have to go over everything you just learned for 2 hours. Anyone that does like it is crazy. Let's go over what I'm learning right now to see how useless it is. In math I'm learning triangle congruence by ASA and AAS. Who the fuck cares if two triangles are congruent. I sure as hell don't. In civics we had a review game today for a test. My team won but we get nothing for winning. In science we're learning about mole. No, by mole I do mean the animal or the thing on peoples faces. This mole is an amount of a substance that contains approximately 6.02 times 10 to the power of 23 particles of that substance. Confused? Me too but the part that confuses me the most is the abbreviation for mole. The abbreviation is mol. Yes they abbreviated a four letter word into a three letter word. How lazy are people that they don't feel like putting an e at the end of mole. I mean really. I know that l is on one side of the key board and e is all the way on the other side but come on. It's not that hard to type an e. Look, I just did it. This is the reason that America is fat. We're to lazy to type an e but not to lazy to drive to McDonalds to get a big mac. This is why I hate school On the bright side I do like english. I learn more useless shit but at least I get to read a good story. The story this week was called 'Lamb to the Slaughter' by Roald Dahl. It's about a woman who loves her police man husband and is 6 months pregnant. He comes home and is acting strange and then tells her something (we never find out what it is he tells her but we're guessing he was leaving her possible because of an affair). At first she denies it and tries to pretend every things ok and gets a leg of lamb to cook for dinner. She gets the lamb and goes into the room where he tells her he's going out. She becomes mad and hits him over the head with the lamb. He dies and because she has a baby and doesn't want anything to happen to it she makes a plan. She starts cooking the lamb and heads out to the grocery store acting as if nothings wrong. She acts like a caring wife getting food for her husband. She goes back home and finds him dead and calls the police who come. After talking to the guy at the grocery store who was helping the woman they suspect nothing. She offers them a drink and later food saying that her husband would not have liked her to not offer them anything after all there hard work and tells them there's lamb that should be done in the kitchen. They comply and eat the food thus destroying the only evidence they had. It's a very good story. Anyways I have a little test for everyone. See how many of them you can get right. Even if you're an adult you can take it and see how much stuff you learned in school that you don't need later in life.

Each question is worth 1 point. No cheating

Math
1. 2x + 5 times 7 = 89 what does x equal
2. what is the area of a triangle with a base of 8 inches and height of 10 inches
3. find the hypotenuse of a triangle with two sides that both have a length of 4 inches

English
1. what is third-person-limited point of view
2. give the definition of the underlined word. The calamity caused by contagion was not stopped in the dominion because the king who ruled during the reign did not endeavor to save the people and he later atoned his wrongdoings.
3. In Romeo and Juliet what type of irony is used when Romeo believes Juliet is dead but we know she is not.

Science
1. what are these elements Ag, Pd, S, Li, and Hg
2. what is Newton's first law of motion
3. what is malleability

Social Studies
1. who fought in the French and Indian war
2.  what is capital punishment
3. what year was the Constitution written

Language
1. what does the spanish word "campo de juegos" mean
2. what does the french word "avion" mean
3. what does the german word "katze" mean


answers

math
1. x = 6
2. 40 square inches
3. 8 inches

english
1. when the story is told by an outside observer, who frequently refers to the characters with third-person pronouns.
2. to make amends for something a person did wrong
3. dramatic irony

science
1. Ag - silver, Pd - palladium, S - sulfur, Li - lithium, Hg - mercury
2. the state of motion of an object does not change as long as the net force acting on the object is zero
3. the ability of a solid to be hammered without shattering

Social Studies
1. the French against Britain
2. the death penalty
3. 1787

language
1. playground
2. plane
3. cat

Question of the Day:
How well did you do on the test?

Accident

Right now I'm in my friends bedroom (I kicked her out of it) writing this. She's impatient and wanted me to post now. So it's story time again. This story is also about "cars".

It was a long day driving in madness. Weaving in and out between everyone. Some people were on the phone or texting. People were yelling at each other when they were hit. One older guy even gave me the finger when I hit him. Then I heard a horrendous sound. The sound of glass shattering and wheels screeching as metal clashed against metal. I heard a woman scream. My curiosity got the better of me and I was soon at the accident along with a lot of other people. I ran over to a woman on the ground. She wasn't moving but she did have a pulse so she was just unconscious. "Someone call an ambulance" I heard someone yell out. Then I heard the cry of a kid. It was barely noticeable. His cry being drowned out by all the commotion. I looked over to see a kid on the ground with glass in his feet. "Someone get the kid" I yelled while pointing towards him. A man probably in his early 40s ran over and picked the kid up attempting to comfort him. I heard the sound of an ambulance. The sound got closer and closer. Then I heard the sound of people screaming to get out of their way. I went to the side allowing the ambulance crew to get to the injured people. One of the guys went over to the unconscious woman and checked her pulse. He then proceeded to call another guy over to help get her onto a stretcher. I followed the guy with the kid and watched as he gave the kid to a paramedic who then placed him in the ambulance. The other man who was in the accident walked into the ambulance. He didn't seem to have any injuries except that he was crying and repeatedly saying "it's all my fault" and "I can't believe this happened". I watched as the doors closed and the ambulance drove off. I started to walk back to the accident. I looked at the floor that was littered with glass and olives. I went to my cart and said out loud "just another day at a crowded grocery store". Hey!. Watch where you're going!" a woman yelled at me when I hit her cart.

Question of the Day:

When we're in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so why do we say "it's all right"? Well it isn't all right so why don't we say "watch where you're going you jackass"?

Bumper Stickers

It seems I've been away from here for to long. The problem is I've been addicted to a game and it leaves little time for other things. That and school work. Well I'm back now (to the displeasure of many). So I have been getting out of the house lately and driven to places (being 15 sucks cause I can't drive). However since I'm not driving and I don't have to pay attention to the road I can pay attention to other things. One of the things I've noticed is bumper stickers. Lots of people have bumper stickers on their cars. Many of these bumper stickers annoy me (although lots of things annoy me so that's not a surprise). For example that one bumper sticker that says Baby On Board. I've looked it up on and it says to use it so that people are extra cautious around your car. I'm sorry (lying) but putting a sticker on your car will not make people extra cautious. If you don't want your kid to be hurt then don't drive with them in the car or if you really want to protect them put them in plastic bubble that's cushioned on the inside. If you do that just remember that won't stop them from hurting themselves or resenting you for it. Anyways I decided to look up more bumper stickers and make fun of them on here and yes all of them are real and you can get them for your car. Just look it up if you don't believe me.

Wheel + phone = wreck - Yeah and wheel + trying to read bumper sticker = wreck

Put the phone down and nobody gets hurt - Actually people can still get hurt. They could be murdered or in a fire or have a tree fall on them or....well I think you get the point.

Justice, not vengeance - But they're pretty much the same thing. Say it's justice just makes it sound legal.

We are the people our parents warned us about - The cops must love that one.

Now my little voices are texting me - No I think the person texting you is your therapist.

I'm so fucking happy I could shit rainbows - You should probably see a doctor about that.

National Sarcasm Society. Like we need your support - I wanna join! See I can be sarcastic.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult - It doesn't help to have a bumper sticker that says you're in disguise. It kind of gives it away.

Warning! Mess with my beer cooler and I will shoot your ass - He's obviously not an alcoholic.

Don't panic - Ok two things about this one. First, what are we panicking about? Second, telling people not to panic always helps. (More sarcasm. I'm so getting into that society.)

What part of y'all don't you understand? - you

Fish fear me - Fish are very timid creatures. Them being afraid of you isn't a very big accomplishment.

I'm not wearing any pants! - I'm just gonna believe you on that one. You don't have to show me. This is also one that when guys see it they hope it's a girl driving the car.

My other car got stolen so now I'm driving this crap - You know some people have to be driven everywhere cause they can't even afford that bumper sticker. I'm not talking about me though (I'm such a liar).

Do NOT wash. This vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test - Are you also undergoing that test?

I'm the quiet neighbor with the big freeze - This screams "I'm a serial killer".

Ask me - Ask you what!? Wait is that what I'm supposed to ask? Or is that it? I'm so confused.

Gone fishing - Then who's driving?

I'm not INSANE my mother had me tested - I think the test results were wrong.

I am immune to your sarcasm - Oh good one.


Out of all of them I have found two bumper stickers that I would get. One says "Come to the dark side we have cookies" and the other says "Have a nice day" and it has a dude giving the finger.


Question Of The Day:
Seriously, what am I supposed to ask!?!