Accident

Right now I'm in my friends bedroom (I kicked her out of it) writing this. She's impatient and wanted me to post now. So it's story time again. This story is also about "cars".

It was a long day driving in madness. Weaving in and out between everyone. Some people were on the phone or texting. People were yelling at each other when they were hit. One older guy even gave me the finger when I hit him. Then I heard a horrendous sound. The sound of glass shattering and wheels screeching as metal clashed against metal. I heard a woman scream. My curiosity got the better of me and I was soon at the accident along with a lot of other people. I ran over to a woman on the ground. She wasn't moving but she did have a pulse so she was just unconscious. "Someone call an ambulance" I heard someone yell out. Then I heard the cry of a kid. It was barely noticeable. His cry being drowned out by all the commotion. I looked over to see a kid on the ground with glass in his feet. "Someone get the kid" I yelled while pointing towards him. A man probably in his early 40s ran over and picked the kid up attempting to comfort him. I heard the sound of an ambulance. The sound got closer and closer. Then I heard the sound of people screaming to get out of their way. I went to the side allowing the ambulance crew to get to the injured people. One of the guys went over to the unconscious woman and checked her pulse. He then proceeded to call another guy over to help get her onto a stretcher. I followed the guy with the kid and watched as he gave the kid to a paramedic who then placed him in the ambulance. The other man who was in the accident walked into the ambulance. He didn't seem to have any injuries except that he was crying and repeatedly saying "it's all my fault" and "I can't believe this happened". I watched as the doors closed and the ambulance drove off. I started to walk back to the accident. I looked at the floor that was littered with glass and olives. I went to my cart and said out loud "just another day at a crowded grocery store". Hey!. Watch where you're going!" a woman yelled at me when I hit her cart.

Question of the Day:

When we're in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so why do we say "it's all right"? Well it isn't all right so why don't we say "watch where you're going you jackass"?

Bumper Stickers

It seems I've been away from here for to long. The problem is I've been addicted to a game and it leaves little time for other things. That and school work. Well I'm back now (to the displeasure of many). So I have been getting out of the house lately and driven to places (being 15 sucks cause I can't drive). However since I'm not driving and I don't have to pay attention to the road I can pay attention to other things. One of the things I've noticed is bumper stickers. Lots of people have bumper stickers on their cars. Many of these bumper stickers annoy me (although lots of things annoy me so that's not a surprise). For example that one bumper sticker that says Baby On Board. I've looked it up on and it says to use it so that people are extra cautious around your car. I'm sorry (lying) but putting a sticker on your car will not make people extra cautious. If you don't want your kid to be hurt then don't drive with them in the car or if you really want to protect them put them in plastic bubble that's cushioned on the inside. If you do that just remember that won't stop them from hurting themselves or resenting you for it. Anyways I decided to look up more bumper stickers and make fun of them on here and yes all of them are real and you can get them for your car. Just look it up if you don't believe me.

Wheel + phone = wreck - Yeah and wheel + trying to read bumper sticker = wreck

Put the phone down and nobody gets hurt - Actually people can still get hurt. They could be murdered or in a fire or have a tree fall on them or....well I think you get the point.

Justice, not vengeance - But they're pretty much the same thing. Say it's justice just makes it sound legal.

We are the people our parents warned us about - The cops must love that one.

Now my little voices are texting me - No I think the person texting you is your therapist.

I'm so fucking happy I could shit rainbows - You should probably see a doctor about that.

National Sarcasm Society. Like we need your support - I wanna join! See I can be sarcastic.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult - It doesn't help to have a bumper sticker that says you're in disguise. It kind of gives it away.

Warning! Mess with my beer cooler and I will shoot your ass - He's obviously not an alcoholic.

Don't panic - Ok two things about this one. First, what are we panicking about? Second, telling people not to panic always helps. (More sarcasm. I'm so getting into that society.)

What part of y'all don't you understand? - you

Fish fear me - Fish are very timid creatures. Them being afraid of you isn't a very big accomplishment.

I'm not wearing any pants! - I'm just gonna believe you on that one. You don't have to show me. This is also one that when guys see it they hope it's a girl driving the car.

My other car got stolen so now I'm driving this crap - You know some people have to be driven everywhere cause they can't even afford that bumper sticker. I'm not talking about me though (I'm such a liar).

Do NOT wash. This vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test - Are you also undergoing that test?

I'm the quiet neighbor with the big freeze - This screams "I'm a serial killer".

Ask me - Ask you what!? Wait is that what I'm supposed to ask? Or is that it? I'm so confused.

Gone fishing - Then who's driving?

I'm not INSANE my mother had me tested - I think the test results were wrong.

I am immune to your sarcasm - Oh good one.


Out of all of them I have found two bumper stickers that I would get. One says "Come to the dark side we have cookies" and the other says "Have a nice day" and it has a dude giving the finger.


Question Of The Day:
Seriously, what am I supposed to ask!?!

Costumes

Well Halloween is coming up in 5 days. As I said in my last post I am going trick or treating. I will not repeat what I am going as so you'll have to go back to that post if you care enough. Anyways I'm 15 so I am a teenager and I'm going and I know a lot of teenagers don't go cause it's not cool or they just think they're to old. I don't understand what the problem is. No one's to old for FREE candy. I understand that some people just don't feel like getting a costume and having to pay for it so I have thought of 4 costumes that people can easily get for little or no money.

1. Girl or Boy
No I don't mean go as the opposite gender. That would cost money. What you do with this is go as the gender you are. For example, if you're a girl just put on whatever clothes you would normally wear put on whatever make up and jewlery and whatever else you put on that takes 2 hours to do. When you're finally done putting it on your costume is finished. Yup that's it and you just go trick or treating like that. If you're a guy just do the same. I mean not with girl clothes but with your own clothes. Just wanted to make sure your guy brains understood. So you just go out as you normally would for Halloween and when people ask you what you're going as just say "I'm a girl/guy". What's funny is that people might get really confused because your 'costume' looks a lot like that girl/guy that lives in the neighborhood.

2. Box
All you have to do with this is get a big box that's large enough for you to fit in. Cut out a hole on the top, two on the bottom, and one on each side. Open the top of the box and get it. Put your feet through the two holes at the bottom and your arms through each side. Then have someone close the box and stick your head though that. Now your a box. A good thing about being a box for Halloween is you can scare people. All you have to do is go to a door. Take you legs out of the bottom so the box doesn't look like it has legs. Then ring the doorbell and hide in the box. When someone comes out and wonders why there's a box outside pop out. Just make sure you pick the right person to scare. Don't pick the person in the neighborhood who is really tough cause then all your gonna do is end up with a black eye or some kind of wound. I can not be held responsibly for any injuries you sustain while scaring people.

3. Bag Man/Woman
For this just get 3 paper bags and two plastic bags. Take one of the paper bags and cut two eye holes in it and if you feel like it a mouth hole. Put that on your head. Then take the two other paper bags and put your feet in them. You should tie them to your feet to make sure they stay. Then with the two plastic bags put them on your hands. You can hold them if you'd like. The good thing about this one is that you can use all the bags to hold your candy. Just make sure you don't put a plastic bag over your head instead of a paper bag.

4. Pumpkin Head
This one is the easiest since most of the work is done for you. A lot of people love getting a pumpkin and carving it and then putting it outside. Well there's nothing out there that says you can't take one. Just go look at the pumpkins one by one and when you find one you really like take it. It could be anything, a face, a cat, a monster, witch, whatever you like. Then cut the bottom of the pumpkin making a big enough hole to fit your head and there you go. You're a pumpkin head. The nice one about this is that no one will have the same design as you so you and all your friends could go as Pumpkin head and each one would have a different design.

So there you go. Four costumes that are easy and cost nothing.

Question of the Day:
What's your costume for Halloween. If you pick mine I'll send you a free piece of candy of your choice (will take a minimum of 100 years until you receive it)

Punishment

Warning: This was made by a person who had been having insomnia for about a month. You have been warned.

I'm back! Wow I can almost hear all the crickets as you guys don't care. Well, I would like to thank all the people that answered the question of the day from my last post. In case you haven't already figured it out there was no one so since I have such loving fans I have decided to tell (bore) you guys with what I've done the past week or two I've been gone. Well I've been having insomnia for about a month now which is why this is being posted at 4 this morning. I've also been terrorized by my new kitten. Her name is Ash and she "loves" me. I now have scratches on my foot from where she decided to try and climb onto it an after she fell decided that she would claw my foot. She has also been attempting to eat my hand. Every once in a while she decided to start licking my hand and when she is done with that she starts sucking and biting my thumb. She also licks my face so now I'm worried that I may wake up one day to find the flesh on my face missing or my thumb or entire hand.  I also got the new Five Finger Death Punch album American Capitalist which is awesome. I have fallen in love with the song "Under and Over It" especially the one line "Did you hear the one about me playing the game. Selling my soul and changing my name. Did you hear the one about me being a prick. Did you know that I don't care and you can suck my. Did you hear the one about me trying to die. Fist in the air and a finger to the sky. Do I care if you hate me. Do you want to know the truth. C'est la vie, adios, good riddance, fuck you". I'm looking forward to Disturbed new b-side album The Lost Children which will be out November 8th. Let's think what else can I tell you. Play-doh is still fun to play with even when your 15 but you still should not eat it. I'm very confused by something I saw at a store. They had a jar of what they called "party peanuts". I don't understand what that means. Does it mean that the peanuts wear little party hats and have a banner that says some party thing when you open it. Maybe they have that little toy thing that you twirl around on a stick and makes a very annoying noise. They could also have streamers and confetti that pops out whenever you open it. Or by "party peanuts" do they mean that they are peanuts that are only allowed to be brought to parties. Like if you get pulled over by the cops and they find a jar of opened party peanuts on the seat and there's no party going on they'll arrest you. I kind of hope it's the first thing but at the same time it would be funny if it was the later of the two. Oh well. Halloween is soon. I don't understand why people my age don't go as much. I mean really it's free candy. But whatever the less that go the more candy I get. I'm going as a cereal killer this year and no, I do not mean serial killer. I will stop boring you guys and try to get some sleep now. Don't worry I won't be gone as long this time. I'm working on a special Halloween themed story for you guys. Until then all of you should work on something very important to me. STOP MUFFIN CRUELTY. Think about how you would feel if you were a muffin. You're just given life and then eaten by some ungrateful brat.

Question of the Day:
Since I'm punishing you guys for not answering the last one you guys get none this time. Feel free to answer last posts question.

Math Poem

Sorry I've been gone for a while. I can't think of anything to write. Today I have some interesting things. Me and my family went to a German festival and I got a dragon balloon. Yes a balloon. I have a childs mind and an idiots brain. That means I would be good to video tape and send to one of those funny shows. Any ways it was cool at the festival. You can use cool in both ways there. By that I mean you can interpret it as cool like it's nice or cool as in it's cold. If that doesn't help explain it well then you should go back to kindergarden. Besides the German festival I had a kind of fun thing to do in geometry. We had to do a poem for extra credit. I needed the extra credit so I had to do it. I came up with a stupid poem so I'm going to share it with you.

One plus one equals two.
Yes I know it's true.
A cone has a point at the end.
It's solid so it won't bend.
A cube is made up of squares.
It's not human so it doesn't have any hairs.
The origin of this poem is my brain.
The inside of it is insane.
We're getting off topic here.
I think this is enough for your ear.
Look, I didn't even shed a tear.
Now you can all cheer.

Yeah I don't know how I can up with it either. I'm gonna go and try and think of something to write now.

Question of The Day:

I'm going to give you people that are reading this a chance to read a story about what you want so I want you guys to pick a topic, any topic, and I will write a story about it. Well almost any topic, it depends on what you guys come up with. Yeah so now I'm the best blogger in the world letting you lucky people choose a topic. I'm so nice (this isn't just because I can't think of anything to write about). Wait this isn't really in question form. Ok, what do you guys want me to write about? There happy.

Mouses, Cookies, Killers, and Knifes

Hello people, I am back after I think four days. Now lets start with something to remind you about your childhood. Does anyone remember those stories about giving animals something. Like that one called "If You Give A Mouse A Cookie". I remember reading them when I was younger and how funny it was when the mouse would ask for something else. Now thinking about it, I'm still amused by it although not in the same way. Now I find it funny that it's so close to the actual world where we are animals personal slaves. The mouse keeps asking for something and the boy always gets it instead of saying "get the fucking thing yourself". That's what we would say to other people. It's the animals that we obey. I also find it kind of funny that the boy has more guts then most people. This boy isn't at all afraid of a talking mouse. Most people these days would freak out if they saw a mouse and run out of the house to buy mouse traps and that's not even a talking mouse. This is sometimes true for guys too. Come on guys, stop trying to be all macho we know some of you are also afraid of mice. Anyways, because of these stories, I have decided to make my own. However, mine will be a little less child friendly. I named mine "If You Give A Serial Killer A Knife". It goes like this.

If you give a serial killer a knife, he's going to ask for a victim.

When you get him a victim, he'll probably ask you for a chair and rope.

When he's done tying up his victim to the chair, he'll want some newspaper.

Then he will want to put the newspaper under the chair so he doesn't get blood on the floor.

When he does that, he'll probably notice the victim keeps screaming. So he'll ask you for a gag.

When he's done gagging his victim, he'll want a music player so he can sleep deprive his victim. He'll start sleep depriving his victim. He might get carried away and sleep deprive him for three days. He might even end up almost choking him to death as well.

When he's done, he'll probably want to humiliate his victim. You will have to find a dog costume for him with a leash and collar. He'll put it on his victim and make him do humiliating things for a few hours.

He'll probably ask you to tie up his victim. So you will while he gets the knife you gave him. When he looks at his victim tied up, he'll get so excited he'll want to cut of some of his victims fingers. He'll ask for a garbage to put them in.

He'll continue cutting off his fingers. When he's done, he'll want to finish his victim off.

Then after he stabs him in the chest a couple times, he'll want to bury the body. Which means he'll need a shovel.

He'll bury the body and stand back to look at the ground where the bodies buried. Looking at it will make him want to kill again so...he'll ask for another victim.

And chances are if he asks for another victim, he's going to want a new knife to go with it.

The End


Question Of The Day:

Can we move a mountain? If so how?

Lemonade, The Next Weapon

Today I am going to talk about something that has been bothering me for a while now. What's with the saying "If life gives you lemons, make lemonade". First of all why the fuck would life give you lemons. I'd be like "Are you shitting me. Couldn't you give me something a little more useful like, oh I don't know money!!! Then I could just go to the fucking store and buy lemonade instead of having to go through the trouble of making it myself.". And anyways, life didn't give you sugar now did it. From my experience lemonade without sugar is horrible. So I don't think making lemonade would be very good. However, I guess you could use the lemons on people. Say you have someone you don't like and you want to make their life a living hell. All you have to do is cut open a lemon and squirt the lemon juice in their eyes. Or I could use the really crappy lemonade I made and force feed it to my enemies....not that I have any I'm just saying I could. Or even better I could use that really crappy lemonade I'm supposed to make and poor it into the wounds (that I may or may not have caused) of my enemies. Again I'm not saying I having any enemies that I would like to kill by tying them up and torturing them by....I mean I don't have any enemies I don't even know what I would do to kill them if I did. Anyways, I think that would be a pretty good thing to do. We could even use it in war. Just get a giant bucket of lemon juice and pour it onto enemy soldiers who have wounds or into their eyes or both. Yeah and then we could make a gun that squirts lemon juice and some of them could go onto tanks. We could rule the world with this. We could have lemon juice bombs and when they explode lemon juice goes everywhere or we could just have planes that drop lemons down on people. I'm sure that would hurt. Why has no one thought of this yet. Ok, army if you ever use this idea I demand to have one of those guns so I can use it on the enemies I don't have. Oh, and also some lemon juice for ammo and some good lemonade. What, lemonade is good as long as you use sugar. Oh and I'd also like $10,000. What. It's my idea. They should pay me for it. Don't look at me that way. You're just jealous cause you didn't think of it.

Question Of The Day:

Why do kamikaze pilots wear helmets? (If you don't know what a kamikaze pilot is, cause I have a feeling many of you won't know, it was a Japanese soldier who would attempt to fly their plane into enemy ships during World War 2.)