Saturday, November 26, 2011

Accident

Right now I'm in my friends bedroom (I kicked her out of it) writing this. She's impatient and wanted me to post now. So it's story time again. This story is also about "cars".

It was a long day driving in madness. Weaving in and out between everyone. Some people were on the phone or texting. People were yelling at each other when they were hit. One older guy even gave me the finger when I hit him. Then I heard a horrendous sound. The sound of glass shattering and wheels screeching as metal clashed against metal. I heard a woman scream. My curiosity got the better of me and I was soon at the accident along with a lot of other people. I ran over to a woman on the ground. She wasn't moving but she did have a pulse so she was just unconscious. "Someone call an ambulance" I heard someone yell out. Then I heard the cry of a kid. It was barely noticeable. His cry being drowned out by all the commotion. I looked over to see a kid on the ground with glass in his feet. "Someone get the kid" I yelled while pointing towards him. A man probably in his early 40s ran over and picked the kid up attempting to comfort him. I heard the sound of an ambulance. The sound got closer and closer. Then I heard the sound of people screaming to get out of their way. I went to the side allowing the ambulance crew to get to the injured people. One of the guys went over to the unconscious woman and checked her pulse. He then proceeded to call another guy over to help get her onto a stretcher. I followed the guy with the kid and watched as he gave the kid to a paramedic who then placed him in the ambulance. The other man who was in the accident walked into the ambulance. He didn't seem to have any injuries except that he was crying and repeatedly saying "it's all my fault" and "I can't believe this happened". I watched as the doors closed and the ambulance drove off. I started to walk back to the accident. I looked at the floor that was littered with glass and olives. I went to my cart and said out loud "just another day at a crowded grocery store". Hey!. Watch where you're going!" a woman yelled at me when I hit her cart.

Question of the Day:

When we're in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so why do we say "it's all right"? Well it isn't all right so why don't we say "watch where you're going you jackass"?

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Bumper Stickers

It seems I've been away from here for to long. The problem is I've been addicted to a game and it leaves little time for other things. That and school work. Well I'm back now (to the displeasure of many). So I have been getting out of the house lately and driven to places (being 15 sucks cause I can't drive). However since I'm not driving and I don't have to pay attention to the road I can pay attention to other things. One of the things I've noticed is bumper stickers. Lots of people have bumper stickers on their cars. Many of these bumper stickers annoy me (although lots of things annoy me so that's not a surprise). For example that one bumper sticker that says Baby On Board. I've looked it up on and it says to use it so that people are extra cautious around your car. I'm sorry (lying) but putting a sticker on your car will not make people extra cautious. If you don't want your kid to be hurt then don't drive with them in the car or if you really want to protect them put them in plastic bubble that's cushioned on the inside. If you do that just remember that won't stop them from hurting themselves or resenting you for it. Anyways I decided to look up more bumper stickers and make fun of them on here and yes all of them are real and you can get them for your car. Just look it up if you don't believe me.

Wheel + phone = wreck - Yeah and wheel + trying to read bumper sticker = wreck

Put the phone down and nobody gets hurt - Actually people can still get hurt. They could be murdered or in a fire or have a tree fall on them or....well I think you get the point.

Justice, not vengeance - But they're pretty much the same thing. Say it's justice just makes it sound legal.

We are the people our parents warned us about - The cops must love that one.

Now my little voices are texting me - No I think the person texting you is your therapist.

I'm so fucking happy I could shit rainbows - You should probably see a doctor about that.

National Sarcasm Society. Like we need your support - I wanna join! See I can be sarcastic.

Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult - It doesn't help to have a bumper sticker that says you're in disguise. It kind of gives it away.

Warning! Mess with my beer cooler and I will shoot your ass - He's obviously not an alcoholic.

Don't panic - Ok two things about this one. First, what are we panicking about? Second, telling people not to panic always helps. (More sarcasm. I'm so getting into that society.)

What part of y'all don't you understand? - you

Fish fear me - Fish are very timid creatures. Them being afraid of you isn't a very big accomplishment.

I'm not wearing any pants! - I'm just gonna believe you on that one. You don't have to show me. This is also one that when guys see it they hope it's a girl driving the car.

My other car got stolen so now I'm driving this crap - You know some people have to be driven everywhere cause they can't even afford that bumper sticker. I'm not talking about me though (I'm such a liar).

Do NOT wash. This vehicle is undergoing a scientific dirt test - Are you also undergoing that test?

I'm the quiet neighbor with the big freeze - This screams "I'm a serial killer".

Ask me - Ask you what!? Wait is that what I'm supposed to ask? Or is that it? I'm so confused.

Gone fishing - Then who's driving?

I'm not INSANE my mother had me tested - I think the test results were wrong.

I am immune to your sarcasm - Oh good one.


Out of all of them I have found two bumper stickers that I would get. One says "Come to the dark side we have cookies" and the other says "Have a nice day" and it has a dude giving the finger.


Question Of The Day:
Seriously, what am I supposed to ask!?!